she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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