I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
