Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
