i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
