Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
