So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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