I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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