My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
