I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
