Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
