He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
