i think my tv is drunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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