Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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