youre lurking in front of me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
