Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
