I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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