Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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