Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
