I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
