No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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