Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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