belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
