College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
