I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
