someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
