Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
