Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
