cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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