My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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