Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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