Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sex in a hospital.. check
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
