Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
