his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
