i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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