I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
