Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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