so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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