im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
