she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
a search helicopter?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
