There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
