you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
