I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
