he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
