and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So vagazzling was a success
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
