How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
