At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
