it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
