Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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