I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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