Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
