ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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