this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
