there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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