but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
