Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
