So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
