Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
