I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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