your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
