Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He felt like a one man threesome
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
