90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
