Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
