Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it hurts more in the daytime
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
