im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
